STARTING OVER

Today, there are many widowed , divorced, or separated people who yearn to find an intimate partner again. Or perhaps there is a partner, but a physical intimacy no longer exists.

Because our society constantly emphasizes that sex and love are only for the young and beautiful, many older people withdraw from seeking a new partner or engaging in any form of sexual activity with the partner sharing their bed. They are afraid to risk rejection, experience performance anxiety and are reluctant to expose themselves as less attractive and desirable than they were in their younger years.

If they do meet someone or if they yearn to resume an intimate relationship with a long-term partner, the fear of how they will perform haunts them. Sex in the media today is portrayed as a "how to" activity that even affects younger man and women.

The famous sex researchers, Masters and Johnson, described that long periods of sexual abstinence can develop into a form of atrophy not unlike what an athlete experiences when he gives up his sport over a long period of time. He needs to go slowly to regain his former confidence. A certain amount of awkwardness is to be expected just like it might be on a new job, meeting new people, or learning all over again a long-forgotten skill. Alcohol doesn't help. Shakespeare knew that "It provokes the desire--but dulls the performance."

Women often worry that intercourse may be uncomfortable because vaginal tissues can be dry and brittle from disuse. It is a good idea to visit a gynecologist. If this could be a problem, it can be easily corrected. Don't wait until an encounter occurs; be prepared! Masturbation helps to keep the tissues moist, too.

Focusing on the pleasure, not the goal, is a good way to start over. Enjoy touching, kissing, and tasting the warmth of a partner's body next to yours. Explore!

What's the hurry? It is not as if you're teenagers and your parents will be home from the movies any minute. And your kids have left home long ago.

Sex Matters

Of course it does! We all know that. Whether you are enjoying an active sex life or wish you were. This blog aims to dispel myths we all have, provide accurate information and be here to answer all your questions. I am an experienced sex therapist, actually a pioneer in the field, and a former twice elected president of the prestigious American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. As for my experience in answering questions, I was the sex columnist of Glamour magazine for about ten years and answers questions about sex received from all over the world. And not to leave men out of this, I was a co-director of The Association for Male Dysfunction. Enough about me! I want to know about you.

To begin with, here are some commonly believed myths -- Do you believe in them?
Bigger is better!
Simultaneous orgasms are to die for!
Sex is only for the young and beautiful.
A man is responsible for a woman's orgasm.
Circumcision reduces a man's pleasure.
Sex and intercourse are synonymous.
There is a difference between vaginal and clitoral orgasm.
Athletes having sex before the big game diminishes performance.
Men should be able to be ready, willing, and able to last all night.

These misconceptions will be discussed from time to time, but what myths do you want dispelled? What's getting in the way of your sexual pleasure?